Matthew 15: 21-28 Jesus left that place and went away to the district of Tyre and Sidon. Just then a Canaanite woman from that region came out and started shouting, “Have mercy on me, Lord, Son of David; my daughter is tormented by a demon.” But he did not answer her at all. And his disciples came and urged him, saying, “Send her away, for she keeps shouting after us.” He answered, “I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel.” But she came and knelt before him, saying, “Lord, help me.” He answered, “It is not fair to take the children’s food and throw it to the dogs.” She said, “Yes, Lord, yet even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their masters’ table.” Then Jesus answered her, “Woman, great is your faith! Let it be done for you as you wish.” And her daughter was healed instantly.
Reflection It was the beginning of my ministry at a very large parish. Each of the four priests had distinctive ministry portfolios. Mine included benevolence. When I said to the rector, “I know what benevolence is but what am I supposed to do?” he answered, “You’ll figure it out” whereupon I promptly forgot about benevolence and went about doing things I thought I knew how to do. All was well until one morning the receptionist buzzed “You have a call on line 3.” “Hi Madeleine. Who is it?” “Mr. Extrajero, a benevolence call. Do you want me to tell him you are busy or you’ll get back to him?” “Yes please take his number and I will call him back.” The truth is, I was not that busy. Nothing in my world was more pressing than this phone call.
A few minutes later Madeleine brought Mr. Extrajero’s number to my office. I was just sitting there, feeling beleaguered and befuddled wondering, “Now what am I supposed to do?” Realizing I was not going to get any of my work done until I made this call I drew myself up, lifted the receiver and called, “Good morning Mr. Extrajero. This is Reverend Debra. What may I do for you?” Expecting a swift answer “I need money for rent or for my child’s doctor,” I was stunned when a flood of words, a litany of misfortune accompanying Mr. Extrajero from early childhood into every nook and cranny of his lengthy life spilled out. Awash in the overwhelming details of the story it became clear that no end to the river was on the horizon and an edgy agitation swelled from my tapping foot to my racing mind. “This is taking far too long and he isn’t even one of our parishioners. I have things to do.” My attempts to insert a word and redirect the river were futile so I settled back in my chair and waited, waited until Mr. Extrajero ran out of words and I asked again, “What may I do for you?” Almost apologetically he answered, “Would you pray with me?” I could barely say yes because my throat was closed as tears flowed to heal my hard heart.
That is why I love this gospel text. I love meeting ever so human Jesus, who thinks his ministry is solely to the people of Israel. Jews are the only people worthy of his care and concern so he is determined not to be distracted or deterred by a shouting foreigner. I love that even Jesus gets annoyed when this persistent mother demands his attention. And I recoil when the mother lowers herself to kneel before him and beg for mercy, Jesus dismisses her, brutally dehumanizing her as equivalent to a dog. What I love most is this, Jesus changes his mind and his action.
When we meet Jesus this morning he is operating from a conventional, conformist perspective. He is complying with the established practices, laws and accepted behavior of his people whose social, cultural and religious conventions dictate who is in and who is out, who is deserving and who is not. Another word for this is tribalism which is strong loyalty to a particular ethnic, religious or political group. On one hand is good for the cohesion of the group and on the other it can lead to prejudice, bigotry and inhumanity. Jesus is simply behaving as is expected in his tribe.
That is, until the persistent mother’s pleas for mercy pierce Jesus’ heart. Then, riding a wave of compassion, Jesus is changed. His consciousness evolves to an expanded, universalizing perspective and recognizing the value of this particular foreign woman Jesus unequivocally gives her the healing for which she begs. What we witness here is exquisite. Jesus’ consciousness has grown from a conventional, conformist mindset to a universalizing perspective that affirms the value of all people, connecting and caring for friend and foreigner alike is the true scope of his ministry.
Here is what we do not find in in this story. No where do we hear Jesus beating himself up for his initial heartless reaction to the mother’s pleas for mercy. He never indulges in self recrimination, shame, blame or guilt. He does not pause to write in his journal and reflect on his evil ways. He doesn’t say wait, “I have to go to the temple, purify myself and make a sin offering.” He doesn’t feel ashamed and try to hide nor look for a therapist to help him process his guilt. Jesus simply allows his heart to be broken open and his behavior to change.
This is how we all can grow into better versions of ourselves. Stop blaming ourselves and one another for our hardened hearts. Stop recriminations and looking for explanations. Just wake up and admit, we have not been the best versions of ourselves. We tend to harden our hearts against other peoples’ suffering because we do not want to feel our own. The thing is, suffering happens to all of us. It is the great equalizer. As our Franciscan teacher Richard Rohr is famous for saying (and I paraphrase), “One of three things has to happen for us to grow up and our consciousness to evolve. Great disciplined prayer practice, which few of us do; great love, which few of us experience or great suffering, which none of us can avoid.”
Years ago when I received Mr. Extrajero’s call for benevolence, listened to his interminable tale of excruciating suffering, I was utterly dumbfounded when the one thing he wanted was for me to pray with him. Mr. Extrajero wanted someone connect with him and hold his suffering with care in the holiness of prayer. Mr. Extrajero taught me the most important thing is to connect and care. This was the moment I discovered my priestly ministry.
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