John 15:9-17 Jesus said to his disciples, “As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you; abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. I have said these things to you so that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be complete.
“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. I do not call you servants any longer, because the servant does not know what the master is doing; but I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father. You did not choose me but I chose you. And I appointed you to go and bear fruit, fruit that will last, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask him in my name. I am giving you these commands so that you may love one another.”
Reflection This weekend is Mother’s day so let’s talk about mothers. The thing about mothers is we need them, not only to give us birth but also to give us value, showing us by the way they interact with us that we are valuable. But, not all of us had mothers who were capable of doing that. Does that mean we are doomed to a life of self-loathing, incarceration or endless psychotherapy? I do not think so because mothers are not the only people capable of mothering. Which is to say, the mother who gives us birth may or may not be the one who gives us value. And that is where the rest of us come in.
Each and every one of us is needed by someone to do competent mothering, to let them know that they are valuable. Unless another human being treats us as a treasure we will not experience the deep truth of ourselves that we are valuable. I believe this is why Jesus’ cardinal instruction to the disciples and us is, “Love one another as I have loved you.” Everyone, without exception, needs to be unconditionally loved in order to know they giving valieare valuable.
A question before us today is not, “Who is my biological mother?” It is, “ Who is the person that showed me I am a valuable treasure?” For me the answer is, Aunt Frances. My parents were of the belief, “Spare the rod, spoil the child” and “Children should be seen and not heard.” By contrast, Aunt Frances was infinitely patient, kind, listened to my laments, spent endless hours telling me stories, taking me to special places and letting me know that I was a treasure.
Everyone needs an Aunt Frances; someone who loves us the way Jesus loves, someone who gives us value. Not only do we thrive when we receive unconditional love, our life is enhanced exponentially when we allow it to flow through us because unconditional love heals old wounds, transforms trauma, reconciles relationships , diminishes pain and restores wellness. Which is why every one of us not only needs an Aunt Frances, we also need to be an Aunt Frances fostering the healing, transformation and wellness of our families, neighbors and the world.
The Jesuit priest Fr. John Boyle, founder of Homeboy Industries in Los Angeles is another Aunt Frances. Homeboy Industries is committed to affirming the value of former gang members by loving and employing them. Boyle shares a snippet of a conversation he had at a public event with a former gang member, Louie. “Louie, I am proud to know you and my life was richer when you came into it. Since you were born the world became a better place, even though at times you can be a pain in the ass.” Louie smiles at Boyle and replies, “The feeling is mutual.”
And there we have it. A mutuality of love that does not demand perfection. Unconditional love. Competent mothering.
For the first three centuries a mutuality of love is what characterized the Christian Church. Before the Church was institutionalized around statements of belief, affirming the value of every person was its driving force. For the vast majority of people in the Greco-Roman world life was chaotic, brutal, drenched in fear. As Rodney Stark, a sociologist and professor of comparative religion writes, ". . . Christianity served as a revitalization movement in the urban Greco-Roman world. . . . To cities filled with the homeless and impoverished, Christianity offered charity as well as hope. To cities filled with newcomers and strangers, Christianity offered an immediate basis for attachment. To cities filled with orphans and widows, Christianity provided a new and expanded sense of family. To cities torn by violent ethnic strife, Christianity offered a new basis for social solidarity. And to cities faced with epidemics, fire, and earthquakes, Christianity offered effective nursing services.” (The Rise of Christianity, Princeton University Press, 1996, p 161).
Two thousand years later life seems not to have changed very much; poverty and homelessness, widows and orphans, newcomers and strangers, epidemics and ethnic violence, not to mention wild fires and earthquakes. Life is brutal, full of fear and misery for countless people. What the world needs today has not changed either, competent mothering.
It is time to admit we have been telling our selves the wrong story. Christianity is not about paternalistic, top down ordering of belief for the protection of the people. Christianity is about competent mothering that fulfills Jesus instruction that we love one another as we are loved by God. Christianity is about demonstrating by our actions that we are proud to know one another and that our lives are richer because of the other person’s presence, even if from time to time they are a bit of a pain (like us). Christianity is about reclaiming our roots as an all inclusive community that makes a difference in people's lives by giving them value, unconditionally.
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