John 20:19-31 When it was evening on that day, the first day of the week, and the doors of the house where the disciples had met were locked for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you." After he said this, he showed them his hands and his side. Then the disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord. Jesus said to them again, "Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, so I send you." When he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, "Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained.”
But Thomas (who was called the Twin), one of the twelve, was not with them when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, "We have seen the Lord." But he said to them, "Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands, and put my finger in the mark of the nails and my hand in his side, I will not believe.”
A week later his disciples were again in the house, and Thomas was with them. Although the doors were shut, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you." Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here and see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it in my side. Do not doubt but believe." Thomas answered him, "My Lord and my God!" Jesus said to him, "Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe.”
Now Jesus did many other signs in the presence of his disciples, which are not written in this book. But these are written so that you may come to believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that through believing you may have life in his name.
Reflection Oh Thomas, be careful what you ask for! Do you really want to see and feel Jesus’ wounds? Is having your own personal experience of Jesus’ suffering the only way you will believe? Thomas’ answer is “Yes.” And apparently many people on the planet today would also answer, “Yes.”
Hitting rock bottom is the familiar euphemism for reaching the lowest possible point in our life wherein suffering bears down like a hammer and we seek refuge in our rooms, lock the doors and lament. Then, with our bodies and minds buried in Jesus’ wounds, finally we see beyond seeing and know beyond knowing. We “come to believe.” By allowing ourselves to experience the immediacy of our suffering we catch ourselves calling out, “My Lord and my God. Help me.”
When we’ve lost our job, our home, our loved one, or our body is wracked with disease, when our family is falling apart or we simply cannot get out of bed, when we have fallen to the bottom of our personal rabbit hole, whatever that may be, this is when in a most mysterious way many of us “come to believe” that there is indeed something more. Pivoting on the head of a pin we see beyond the fallen bricks and mortar of our lives and shout into the darkness, “My Lord and my God.”
Much as the disciples, I have spent time locked inside my fear while locking the rest of the world out. Locked into fear. Locked out of relationships. Apparently this is an unacceptable situation for the risen Christ. By means we cannot wrap our minds around Jesus breeches the locked door, stands among the terrified disciples and inconceivably delivers the gift of his presence saying, “Peace be with you…. receive the Holy Spirit.”
When we hit our personal rock bottom, locked in fear with the world locked out, rising from the depths of our darkest wound comes the impossible promise. Peace. God’s Peace. The Holy Spirit of God arrives dispensing the opposite of fear, agitation, disharmony, worry, frustration, hatred and distress. Peace.
“Peace be with you,” in the depths of your darkest nightmare. “Peace be with you,” in the wounds of your flesh. “Peace be with you,” in your tormented mind. “Peace be with you,” when your friends abandon you and you are locked in fear. “Peace be with you,” so that “you may have life.” The question is, “Do you choose to believe?”
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